Its semi-weird and somewhat surreal, but also an oddly calming notion at the same time that I am currently pregnant for the (wait for it guys-) THIRD time. I have two beautiful and precious daugthers now (3 years and 17 months) and have two wonderful step kids (girl, 14 and boy, 12 - almost 13 actually) and somehow though, I still have this animalistic need to build my "tribe". Who knew that I had the "Chassidish-Girl-Syndrome"? (And for those of you who are NOT familiar with Hassidic people or the Hassidic way of life, it basically means that in Chassidic circles the typical notion is to keep forging and building one's family until one's house or apartment is practically bursting at the seams.) And no, I still cant discern true actual intelligence to this thinking. As to WHY so many people living on foodstamps and section 8 would feel this WILD need to have 10+ kids. And doubly NO - we (my husband nor I) are chassidish. Ugh; life as an orthodox (modern) Jew is hard enough as it is; but thats for another post. I decided to open up a fresh blog and get away from my old one that contains a lot of old and yucky history that may or may not be entertaining or even enlightening to most of you. So a few tidbits about me:
* I am told by those who know me most that I tend to get defensive too quickly. Well screw that bitches. I'm workin' on it!
* I have a tremendous amount of insecurity just like most of you, but as I get older I realize I really have no time to obsess over them. Its all about survival, survival, survival....
* Getting pregnant and having kids makes me feel alive. (Yes, even the crummy parts of all of that). Take that as you will.
* I am deeply proud of my deep southern roots; confederate, rebel - all of it. Im not supposed to say that too loudly or to too many people somehow. Again, kiss my lilly white ass Yankees! We can actually trace our ancestry back to William Wallace (yes, the "savage"). Talk about yichus, me lads.
* I love being around people who dont suck all the oxygen out of the room. In other words, if I can come over to you, sit down and not be timed at how fast I can pop up and help clear away the dishes - then I am happy. Lately, I am NOT loving going to my mother-in-law as your plate will be swiped before you are done. I dont like overly organized people anymore in general. They mostly suck.
* There are certain scenes in certain movies that will make me cry no matter how many times I view them. * TV is getting horribly boring lately.
* I think I'm gonna have restless leg syndrome with this pregnancy too. God help me (that was NOT easy).
* I miss cigarettes. ALOT
* I have slept with approximately 15 men in my life. If I had my way I would go back in time and delete at least 13 of them.
* I dont own a pet and never intend to. Humans smell bad enough, why on EARTH would I want animal odors around me too???
* I am starting to develop a soft spot for my husband's ex wife. I actually find myself feeling bad for her on different levels. What the FUCK is wrong with me?
* You know those surveys when they ask you to list your interests? I end up sitting there for what seems like HOURS trying to figure out what I actually LIKE. How jaded can you get???
* I enjoy women who actually DO care about their looks and who spend a lot of money and effort on themselves to look a certain way. I view them like museum pieces as I would never have the energy to do what they do. I like being around them but once I feel I am supposed to actually *compete* with them, I find the nearest exit. Know that Taylor Swift song? "Im the girl on the bleachers....?" Yup, thats me.
* I do love nature and dont seem to ever get close enough to it without being bothered to death by someone else's intinerary. I would KILL for a cabin in a forest in Canada somewhere. Away from the world. I want to breathe in pine needles and cold air and listen to animal sounds at night. I would also like to have a loaded pistol somewhere in that cabin for insurance purposes too.
* I want to learn how to shoot *well*. Gotta get down to my brother in Texas and to that wonderful arsenal of his and learn the craft. To be Texan born and NOT know how to shoot is, as my brother puts it, "criminal".
* I really hate exercising. With a passion. Gym membership still exists and is rotting (Im pregnant - so thats a good excuse!)
* I live my life as a modern orthodox Jewess and currently have many issues with my way of life (both philosophically and otherwise). As many of us tend to do in living in different environments, I just deal with it.
* I spent 8 years growing up in Israel
* I love rain - it always suits my mood!
